I’m back in a John Mayer kick lately. No, no, I’m not heartbroken, but I am in pain.
After a few weeks of feeling this way I think I’m coming to terms with this “growing” pain. See, my life is changing and there is nothing I can do about it. God has been preparing me for this season, I’ve felt His hand. I am transitioning from an old life to a new one… to a better one. In my personal life, spiritual life, career, etc, I have a sense that a transition is near.
At first I was scared and resistant, “I don’t want to change. I want to stay in this place. I have a plan. My life is good.” I didn’t want to pray, I just wanted to listen to “Why Georgia” on repeat and ignore the uncertainty around me.
So what, so I’ve got a smile on
But it’s hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don’t believe me
Don’t believe me
When I say I’ve got it down
After maybe the third day of the song being played on repeat, it occurred to me that this song wasn’t about me, it was about God.
This song is not about me and my would-be “quarter life crisis.” How pretentious of me to have thought it was. I don’t have it down. That is so hard to type. It is so hard and painful to fall to my knees and say that I don’t have it down. After all, I thought I did for a while now…
But in the pleading cry of John Mayer’s chords I heard something I didn’t hear before: I heard a God that does have it down.
Four years ago, before I moved to Nashville, I felt this pain and said a prayer, “If it be your will, let it be done.” God provided a one-way ticket for me. He grew me that day.
Two years later, I cried at a church and again asked for God’s will to be done. It was. He grew me that day.
Today, I’m again praying for God’s will to be done. I am praying not to hide behind song lyrics, but to talk to my God who knows my heart better than I do. It’s painful and uncomfortable for my Type-A personality, but it is always worth it.
And in case John Mayer ever reads this, I pray that through this blog post and in all of my encounters, I glorify our Lord and not myself. Finally I’d like to thank God for whatever he is doing to my heart that brought about my previous sentence.