I am so incredibly thankful lately. It’s my favorite mood. Thankful thoughts are my favorite thoughts that I toss in my head as I talk to God on my way to work. It’s the greatest joy, I’ve noticed, to feed myself with thankfulness.
I count his graces and they seem to be endless. Here are some of his graces that I listed today:
- Mommy’s emoji’s (always in 3’s).
- The “Empire Nissan” bag my daddy gave me that I used yesterday to store hot dogs and buns.
- I’m thankful that my job is hard and makes me face hard questions every day.
- I’m thankful for His Word and the desire He puts in my heart to discover Him more and more.
- I am thankful for the way my boyfriend is patient, forgiving and compassionate. He sees the best in me and others. I see Christ in him and I’m so thankful…
I’m so thankful, but I fall. My conversations with God look a lot different than the thoughts that surface in my brain. You know… the petty, ungrateful, ugly thoughts that creep up. I go from a spirit of thankfulness to ingratitude within minutes. I fall all of the time.
Me to God: “Father, I am so thankful for my health and body that lets me jam out in spin class.” “I’m so thankful for the time I spent with my family. “Lord, I’m so thankful for the people I’ve met that are drawing me closer to You.”
Me to myself: “I could really use a new pair of stilettos.” “I want to buy a house now.” “Why can’t he solve this for me?” “Ugh, I need a vacation.”
How do I mix the joy of thankfulness with this feeling of disappointment I have in myself when I am ungrateful?
By His grace alone.
His grace allows me to see that I fall in the first place. His grace forgives me and allows me to forgive myself. His grace makes me try again, and then try another time.
I know who I am and where I’ve been. Before I masked my ambition and greed in a bow and called it “the grind.” But the “grind” was empty because it left me with a heart always wanting more and more… things.
“With the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in God’s likeness” (James 3:9)
I masked my outbursts in a bow and called it “stress” and said mean things to my mom and sisters because I felt I couldn’t control anything. I just wanted someone to hear me.
I know who I am and where I’ve been. And I know that God is changing my heart. I won’t stop trying to fill my cup with thankfulness.
His grace pours over the fires I start with my ingratitude. I am so thankful.